As spring envelops us in a sneeze-inducing cloud of fertility, the hibernating animals emerge from their hidey-holes, and so too do the bicycles that have lay dormant over the course of the long, dark winter:First came GRVL LNCHNG, then it was the GRVL RDNGso I suppose single-speed gravel reading SSGR was inevitable:It was so warm I didnt even need my Woolen Reading Gloves:I bet I could even have fit a sandwich in there too, thereby combining GRVL LNCHNG and GRVL RDNG, but one shouldnt fly too close to the sun, lest one singe ones wings, or at least ones beard. Anyway, with lugged head tubes as far as the eye could see I it was in Retrogrouch Heaven:Oh, and in case youre wondering, the answer is yes, it is technically possible to gravel read while gravel riding, but I wouldnt recommend it:[Trained professional, do not attempt.]Anyway, I hadnt been on the Roaduno for awhile, and so as soon as I got back on it my Singlespeed Delusion Syndrome (SDS) began to flare up:SDS is characterized by sudden-onset feelings of elation which sufferers often misinterpret as a profound spiritual revelation that this is the only bike theyll ever need. Victims then make a resolution to get rid of all their other bicycles, renounce multi-speed gearing in all its forms, and commit fully to a singlespeed lifestyle forever.This wouldnt be so dangerous in itself, but unfortunately after a period of time (anywhere from several days to several years) the disorder moves into a second phase in which the victims realize, You know, I really do love this bike. But you know what would make it even better? Gears! This is a real problem if the singlespeed to which the victim has committed is unable to accept them, but fortunately the Roaduno has been designed with the SDS sufferer in mind, and can be easily geared (albeit frontally) at minimal expense:In the year and a half Ive had this bicycle, my own SDS has come full circle at least once. When ordered as a complete bicycle, it comes with two chainrings mounted but is set up as a singlespeed, and at first thats how I rode it:But I soon unlocked the inner ring by adding a shifter, front derailleur, and rear-derailleur-as-chain-tensioner:I also added drop bars, because apparently thats what I do to every bike:Anyway, the two-speed singlespeed setup worked so well it was only a matter of time before I changed the double crank for a triple:I now had a big gear for the flats, a medium gear for the rolling hills, and a low gear for the real climbs, and at this point I began to think that perhaps Id arrived at the perfect drivetrain. More than that, I began to suspect Id attained spiritual enlightenment with my three-speed singlespeed, a Holy Trinity of Gearing with different numbers of teeth yet all sharing the same divine spirit. Utterly fulfilled, I needed nothing more from this bike or from any other bikeyet I soon turned it back into a singlespeed anyway.And here we are:[Qui si parla Bee-oh-pa-chay]If a three-speed singlespeed is The Holy Trinity of Gearing, than a Biopace singlespeed is some weird pagan god nobody worships anymore except the sorts of people with too many bumper stickers and too many cats who read fantasy novels and practice polyamory.The point of all this is that the Roaduno is currently singlespeed perfectionwhich means Ill be putting another chainring and a front derailleur on there again in a matter of days.But such is the allure of the singlespeed. Not only is it fun to ride and easy to tinker with, but it also holds the promise of escape from the bicycle industry merry-go-round once and for all. I mean who doesnt read about yet another wheel size and want to become a renunciate?Start saving up now, because youve got exactly one year:At this point, Merida realised that it had to do something with the new size. It is now developing 32in cross-country mountain andgravel bikes, and Seitz stated it will become the new standard for performance riding in these disciplines in basically one year from now, when there are enough available parts on the market.So much for my once-current Industry Standard Gravelling Appliance

It was chilly this past weekend, so I stuck mostly to the trails:Including a trip to the forbidding Trails Behind The Mall on an Industry Standard Gravelling Appliance:In my ongoing search for the Spirit of Gravel I have already come to embrace the gravel lunch GRVL LNCH, but youll be pleased to learn that Ive discovered something even more delightfully pretentious:Gravel reading GRVL RDNG!As I mentioned, I recently took delivery of the latest volumes in Richard Sachss Arrange Disorder series. Comprised of short passages and easy to carry in a handlebar bag, theyre ideal for mid-ride mental snacking. Just pull up a nice piece of gneiss[I have no idea if thats actually gneiss, Im not a geology Fred.]then sit down and read a few pages:And yes, Im aware of the irony inherent in carrying a book by a one-at-a-time bicycle maker whilst riding an Industry Standard Gravelling Appliance. Its like uncorking a bottle of fine wine while dining at McDonalds. But GRVL RDNG isnt about what bike youre riding; its about what book youre reading. Just be sure to use proper technique, or you could hurt yourself:Stroking your beard thoughtfully is particularly important, and if you dont already have a beard, I highly suggest ordering one and carrying it with you:That way you can just put it on when the urge to read overtakes youalong with your Woolen Reading Gloves, of course:The beard is also helpful for blending in at gravel-oriented cycling events, and the rubber dots on the gloves will help you turn the pages without resorting to finger-licking.This raises an important question:Is turning paper pages the friction shifting of the literary world?Well, no. Friction shifting would be reading from a scroll:Whereas turning the paper pages of a book is more like indexed shifting:[Reading and sex are the two activities most often depicted in positions that may look good in photos but would be extremely uncomfortable in real life.]And yes, e-readers are like electronic shifting:However, theres a crucial difference in that an e-reader lets you carry thousands and thousands of books on a device the size of a single Richard Sachs volume. This means that conceivably you could take your entire library with you the next time you go gravel reading GRVL RDNG, whereas doing it with printed books would look like this and require some sort of e-assist cargo bike at the very least:And yes, unlike a printed book an e-reader can run out of juice, but unlike an electronic shifter if this happens 50 miles into your ride its not really that big a deal.Meanwhile, an electronic shifting system does exactly the same thing as a mechanical shifting system, only it requires a battery. So its more like a book with actual pages that you still have to charge:And whats the point of that?Speaking of the Industry Standard Gravelling Appliance, I finally caved and put the derailleur cable through the hole:Clearly complex cable routing is a fundamental part of the gravel experience, though as far as I can tell the point of it is simply to convince you to abandon mechanical shifting by making installation about 100 times more difficult than it needs to be.

The older I get the more I realize how little I know. This is especially true when it comes to bikes and cycling. In fact, most of what I know Ive learned from the comments section of my own blog.For instance, yesterday I mentioned that road rage incident, and I had no idea the bunnyhopper was none other than the U23 Criterium National Champion:Moreover, I had no idea there was even still such a thing as criteriums. I thought the last gasp of criterium racing as a discipline was the fixed-gear crit, a short-lived craze that ended much like this video:From there on in it was gravel gravel gravel, and that was that. But I suppose criterium racing must still be a thing, even though almost nobodys even interested in it anymore. Kind of like canned tuna:Or this blog.Oh, and speaking of road rage:Why is there not a mandatory waiting period and an Automated Mental Health Background Check for anyone purchasing a German luxury automobile?Anyway, at first this story sounds like your garden variety road rage incident:Vernon shouted that the bicyclist dont live on that street and they had no reason to tell her to slow down. The male bicyclist indicated he was going to obtain the license plate number of the Mercedes, prompting Vernon to pull into a driveway, re-enter the roadway and accelerate backward toward the pair. The bicyclists scuttled into another driveway to avoid being hit. The bicyclists filled out sworn statements for the police.But it soon takes an unexpected turn:When an officer showed up at Vernons house and tried to place her in handcuffs, she tried to flee into her house. The officer attempted to grab her hand, but she hit a wall and fell to the ground. She continued to try to pull away from the officer. She told him she needed to use the restroom and soiled her pants.She left skid marks at both the scene of the confrontation and the scene of the arrest.Something else I didnt know until I read my own comments section was that Jan Heine, the EF Hutton of bicycle tires (thats a reference for the canned tuna-eating generation), says TPU tubes are the fastest:Though if youre not sure whether you should use butyl tubes or TPU tubes you could always use PTU tubes and split the difference:And no, Im not making fun of him for making a typo. I make like 20 typos on a good day. Look, what do you even want from me? You can have a post every day, or you can have no typos. Think of this as the butyl tube of cycling websites: far from perfect, but at least it gets the job done.But yes, Jan Heine says TPU is faster than everything, even tubeless, so thats it, case closed, hes the last word on everything, dont question it:The performance benefits of TPU tubes are real and borne out in real-road tests. If anything, TPU tubes perform even better in the real world, with a rider on the bike, than in lab tests on steel drumsa phenomenon also observed with supple tires. TPU tubes are as fast as ultra-thin latex tubes. TPU tubes are significantly faster than butyl tubes or tubeless setups. (They are also stronger, lighter and offer better ride feel than butyl tubes.) Based on these results, we went ahead with the development of our Rene Herse TPU tubes, confident that they would provide a real-world benefit for us and our customers.Though if you read enough Jan Heine you know hes got a real problem with steel drums, which frankly seems unwarranted:What, youve got a problem with the sweet sounds of calypso and being aurally whisked away to the Caribbean or something?Jeez, Jan, lighten up.Meanwhile, its Classics Season, which marks the start of the racing season, and also the European protest season:So be sure to consult Jan Heine for the best way to glue yourself to the cobbles this year: Come on, everyone knows youve got to let the glue cure for at least 24 hours:According to the races organisers Golazo, Mouton had intended to glue himself to the cobblestones as the peloton approached in asimilar manner to the Scottish climate activists who briefly halted the mens road race at the 2023 Glasgow world championships but failed to do so in time, and was ejected from the course by security, moments before the riders reached him.Mouton, indeed.But at least he was wearing a helmet.At this point, having confessed to you just how little I know, I should probably also confess that Ive never seen the film A Sunday In Hell. I admit this is like being a film buff and never having seen The Godfather, or being Italian and never having seen The Godfather. However, I am finally getting around to remedying that, and have been watching it in pieces on a popular video hosting website. Anyway, if youve seen the movie, that years Paris-Roubaix also began with a protest:In this case they were print shop workers:Theyre demonstrating against one of the sponsors of the race, the newspaper Le Parisien Libere, and they are protesting against the redundancies of the operators on linotype as a result of automation. Its a long-standing labour conflict and the organisers of the race are not entirely unprepared.50 years later and half of what you read hasnt even been written by a human, much less printed on paper.OK, thats it, Im going for a ride.

Back in January you may recall I had a SPOG-related incident:Which left a puddle of SPOG on the bike path:Well, two months, two blizzards, and who knows how many inches of rain later, the SPOG stain is still there, an enduring testament to the Macbethian indelibility of latex:Amazing.Meanwhile, I continue to embrace the SPOG by enjoying regular gravel lunches, or GRVL LNCHS:This involves riding a bicycle that is specifically marketed for riding on gravel upon the gravel for which it is marketed:And then finding a nice place to sit and eat, which yesterday happened to be the Evil Son of Sam Altar of Sacrifice:This is a place so deeply and profoundly evil that they even have a newsletter:of evil.As usual, I put my GRVL LNCH in my Bananasack:See?Sack Lunch indeed:What a great movie.Anyway, as I ruminated, I contemplated the view:As well as the PRJCT GRVL bike:And as I did I noticed this hole in the lower seat stay for the first time:Holy crap!, I thought. Is the derailleur cable housing supposed to go through there? I went to check:It is!Goddamn it.This shouldnt matter to me because it makes no functional difference whatsoever, and yet it annoys me anyway anyway, kind of like when halfway through your day you notice you missed a belt loop and you cant relax until manage to slip off to the restroom and re-route it:Sure, fixing this is only a little bit more involved than fixing your belt, but I really dont feel like it, so Im trying to tell myself I bypassed it on purpose in order to arrive at the smoothest possible cable housing arc. Because it seems like it would need to take kind of a tight bend to go through there, doesnt it?Speaking of unnecessary undertakings, did the world really need yet another road bike?Wow, these names keep getting worse and worse. This one just sounds like a medication:Avona Velum is not for everyone. Call your doctor if you have unexplained changes in behavior, dry mouth, nausea, vomiting, rectal bleeding, wild mood swings, severe depression, profound elation, cherry-scented flatulence, or thoughts of suicide. Elderly patients taking Avona Velum have an increased risk of groinal strain, and should Just Buy A Rivendell Already. Ask your doctor if Avona Velum is for you, then if he says yes, sue him for malpractice.Though two seconds of popular search engine jockeying seems to indicate that Avona refers to water and Velum is the membrane on the roof of your mouth, so basically the name means Watery Membrane.So why is this road bike different from all other road bikes? Because its better, thats why:This Swiss/German duo wanted to use their collective industry experience to create bikes that were better in real life, not just on paper.But a lot of brands say that. What makes Avona different? It all comes down to an extreme level of bicycle nerdery, the willingness to test outeverything, and a refreshing honesty about whatactuallymatters to everyday riders.And heres how they made it better:How to optimize a bike for performance that actually matters?In order to optimize a bike for real-world benefits, Avona points out that first you need to analyze what needs to be optimized. The brand based its parameters on real rides and metrics like normalized power, time above Critical Power, and W Prime (your work capacity, sort of like an internal battery for efforts above CP).Wait.In order to optimize a bike you first need to analyze what needs to be optimized?Well fuck me.Fortunately for anyone who doesnt want to ride a bike that sounds like it requires a prescription, it turns out most of what needs to be optimized on a bike is stuff you can easily add to the bike you already have:As a result, the best tires and a waxed chain are non-negotiable for Avona. Every bike will come with a Ceramic Speed waxed chain and low rolling resistance tires. Thats actually a pretty big deal if you want to try a waxed chain since you can simply maintain it with the drip wax lube, rather than having to strip and clean a chain from the factory and then wax it yourself.Wait.So instead of waxing your chain, or even buying a chain thats already waxed, you shouldbuy a whole new bike that comes with a waxed chain?Well fuck me.Before I read that, I would have told you that giving Ceramic Speed over two hundred American Fun Tickets for an ordinary chain with some wax on it was crazy:But now I understand its downright frugal, since the current wisdom is apparently that you shuld buy a whole new bike if you want to try a different chain.And if youre wondering whether or not the Avona Humpalot is laterally stiff yet vertically compliant, the answer is yes. But they havent figured out a plausible way to lie about it how to quantify its effect on performance yet:Avona also hit their targets for stiffness and vertical compliance, even though they dont have a way to yet quantify the impact of vertical compliance on performance.Uh, three words, Avona:Scranial Pressure Mapping.But yes, the Avona Bologna sounds like the ideal bike for your next group ride:Wow, a douchebag in a BMW? I dont believe it. Anyway, weve all been there, and Im glad the riders werent hurt. Plus, one of them got to show off his bunnyhop skills to a TV audience:I suspect he secretly realizes this makes the entire encounter worth it.

Despite having raised the avoidance of anything resembling work to an art form (or at least a blog), I do commute to Brooklyn twice a week. These days, I generally do that by subway, which is convenient and inexpensive and affords me the time to read. (I do use a popular brand of e-reader, the e-bike of books). However, long subway rides can be wearyingpsychologically more so than physically, mostly because of people WHO DO NOT USE HEADPHONES WITH THEIR GODDAMN PHONES.If I were to run for mayor I would campaign entirely on the platform of a zero-tolerance policy for e-noise on transit, which I suspect would even be more popular than socialism is here. In fact its gotten so bad I might even support the socialist approach of giving away headphones on the subway. Im sure its only a matter of time before theyre giving out AirPods with the syringes.But now that the days are longer and the weather has improved my thoughts turn once again to commuting by bicycle, which is easy and pleasant and generally stress-free since I can do it mostly on separated paths:Though theres always a chance Ill run into Unhoused Jason Momoa:Or of course the dreaded Citi Bike Beer Fiend of NoLiTa:Yes, life in this city can be like a Grimms Fairy Tale, but Im sure its only a matter of time before all the socialism fixes it. (And if you think complaining about having to rub shoulders with the un-headphoned, unhoused, and untoothed during my commute reeks of entitlement, youre absolutely right, but I make no apologies, for I have reached the age at which one wears ones entitlement proudly on ones sleeve.)But the real issue with commuting by bike is that it takes too long. Generally speaking, when it comes to cycling at a civilized pace versus taking the subway, the break-even point happens around 10 miles; after that, the train is going to win. My commute is quite a bit longer than that, and I generally cant spare the extra time. Yes, I could probably narrow the bike/subway gap considerably with an e-bike, but Id rather continue to enhance my traditional fleet of bicycles than divert crucial resources to some sort of pedal-assisted commuter. And yes, Ive also flirted with the idea of requisitioning a motorcycle for commuting purposes (I have owned and commuted on motorcycles in the past), but not only would that also require diverting crucial resources that could be better spent on bicycles, but its also way too conspicuous. See, nobody in the household even notices when I get a new bike, but a motorcycle is bound to raise questions, and I cant just explain one away by saying, Oh, that old thing? Paul from Classic Cycle sent it to me for testing. Also, having a motorcycle in winter without a garage really sucks.Given the above, sometimes I splurge on a multi-modal binge that involves riding to the commuter rail station, taking said train to Grand Central, then undertaking the final leg of my journey by subway:This is what I did yesterday. The advantages are that I get to enjoy a short ride, I get to luxuriate on upholstered commuter rail seats in relative silence, and the subway portion is short enough that the irritations dont have sufficient time to accumulate compound interest. Its also relatively fast. The disadvantage is that its more expensive, though unlike the e-Citi Bikers Im not complaining.Oddly it hasnt occurred to me until just now to try my commute entirely via e-Citi Bike, even though theres a station fairly close to my home, but frankly I dont find the idea all that tempting. For the record, I was a Citi Bike founding member, and even had the key fob to prove it. But as much as I liked Citi Bike in principle, it seemed like whenever I used it I was never able to find an empty dock at my destination, and so I eventually gave up on it. Perhaps the app and the balancing and all that stuff has improved since then, but between public transit and my own bicycles Ive always felt as though I were more or less covered.Oh well. Maybe Ill just grab an e-bike frame off the street and put one together myself instead:Im assuming thats an e-bike, anyway. Ill just order a cheap battery from the same company that sold me my e-reader, duct tape it to the downtube, and Ill be in business. Unfortunately, the end result will probably be not only flammable, but also too heavy to tie to the end of the flag:Powerful political statement, or just mental illness?[From here.]Increasingly, I dont think theres much of a difference.I also wonder if the bike was stolen:Does it make me a bad person that the first thing I thought was, Wow, I bet they have some pretty sweet bikes in the Boulder unclaimed stolen bike storage unit, and I wonder how I can get my hands on one? Sure it does. But remember: Im the sort of person who complains about having to look at unkempt itinerants. Also, its not like if I scored a bike from the Boulder unclaimed stolen bike storage unit I wouldnt give it back. If anything, heres how it would work:I contact the Boulder police and tell them Im looking for some fancy bike youre bound to find in Boulder, like I dunno, a Moots Routt or somethingCan you describe the bike?, theyd saySure, its unpainted, and its got Enve wheels and parts. [99% of Mootses (is that the plural of Moots?) fit this descrption]Wow, you just described it to a T! Clearly the bike is yours.I ride the bike for awhile and post many pictures of it on my blog under the pretense of exploring The Spirit of Gravel or something stupid like thatEventually the actual owner gets wind of it and contacts meI got to ride a Moots for awhile, and some guy with a first name like Tyler gets his bike back (after reimbursing me for the round-trip air fare I incurred in picking his bike up, but Tyler works for a tech company out there and rides a Moots, he can afford it)Everybody wins!Of course, there is the slim chance that the Boulder unclaimed stolen bike storage unit does not contain a Moots, and you might not want to keep calling back, disguising your voice, and asking for different fancy bike brands. [Why, hello old chap. I am in search of my Mosaic velocipede, which was purloined from in front of an artisanal coffee establishment in Boulder while I was visiting from jolly old England. Would it happen to be in your possession, by Jove? And so forth.] If thats the case, then the sure-fire approach to a free bike would be to ask for one theyre 100% guaranteed to have. For example, its a scientific fact that 1 out of every 100 bicycles in the world is a bonded aluminum Trek 1200, so as long as there are at least 100 bikes in there its a mathematical certainty they have one:Bingo!Do I know what Im talking about? Or do I know what Im talking about?In a place like Boulder the same thing also goes for Surly:Though its only now occurring to me that we have these photos of the actual bike room, so all youd need to do is describe one of the bikes in the photo.By the way whats up with the Reddit r/xbiking cockpit in the foreground?It simply does not square with this comment in the article:This is somebodys baby, and were trying to figure out where they belong, said Boulder Police Officer Mitch Trujillo.Somebodys baby? More like somebodys nightmare. Non-aero road bike levers on some kind of flared bar with Ergon grips and a Salsa stem? Someone was clearly drunk-watching Path Less Pedaled and Ultraromance videos on YouTube and made a bunch of ill-advised eBay purchases.Speaking of people like Path Less Pedaled and Ultraromance, together theyve undermined effete roadiedom and put Lycra into bankruptcyliterally:Wool you look at that!

It was wet and cold yesterday but I rode anyway:I got wet and cold.Still, I felt very much at home on the Milaukee, a bicycle which is now entering its 11th year of faithful service. Also, for the record, Ive been riding this bicycle on Very Small Rocks since it was new:Keep in mind that this was a mere two years after gravel was first invented.Amazing, right?Plenty of people would probably consider the Milwaukee an old bike, but it certainly doesnt feel that way to me. Sure, thats partly because I had it refinished and I treated it to a new drivetrain, but it also doesnt feel old because I myself am old. See, when youre 20, 10 years is 50% of your life. But when youre my age its awell, its a smaller percentage, I guess? Look, Ive never been good at math, especially percentages. The point is, when you get to a certain age, 10 years ago seems like yesterday, which is why when your smoke detector starts going bad youre like, What the hell? I just put that goddamn thing up there! and conclude that it must be faulty. Then you fall off the stepstool while changing it and break your hip.Im so old I remember when fixie riders used to use absurdly narrow bars:Now they use absurdly wide bars:More legerage, I guess, but tragically they cant squeeze between cars anymore:Its also been several generations since New York City was actually gritty and dangerous. Now everybody looks gritty and dangerous, the most dangerous thing theyre likely to encounter on the streets is dorks on e-scooters:Anyway, I was thinking about the Milwaukees age because as I was attempting to bring my core temperature back up after my ride I came across the following article:Apparently, according to a survey, their readers get a new mountain bike every 3-5 years:TIL that in 2025 the average passenger vehicle on the road in the USA was14.5 years old. Though I cant say how old the average mountain bike on the trail is, its certainly much younger than that. Based on our own surveys, most riders buy a new mountain bike every 3-5 years. And new bikes are great! The technology changes rapidly, and I would argue todays bikes are a better value than theyve ever been.Speaking of being old, TIL that TIL stands for today I learned.YLSNED.So apparently mountain bike consumers are so fickle you must cajole them into keeping a bike thats a mere five (5) years old. So in this context, a mountain bike made before 2016 is positively ancient:Such is the fast pace at which mountain bikes evolve:Mountain bikes have evolved faster than any other type of bike in the last 20 years, andmountain bikes released only 10 years ago will look extremely outdated to experienced riders. Does this mean mountain bikes made before my 2016 cut-off are bad bikes? Heck no! In fact, there are plenty of older mountain bikes that I think are awesome (I still love my early-90s Fat Chance Yo Eddy and 2013 Salsa El Mariachi).Butwhen Im looking for a mountain bike to recommend to customers, family, and friends, I tend to stick to bikes made within the last 5-7 years. As a business that specializes in buying and selling used bikes, TPC also prefers to buy mountain bikes in that same age range. Heres why:By the way, that article from The Pros Closet is itself already three years oldso old that The Pros Closet subsequently went out of business and then reopened, in what was the most indifferently received comeback in all of cycling:The only thing that changes faster than mountain bike tech is private equity financing. In any case, we take it for granted that mountain bikes change more quickly than road bikes and other types of bike. However, looking back, Im not entirely sure thats trueat least not for the past 10 or so years. By way of researching this, I traveled back in time via the Specialized website and had a look at their 2015 offerings (that being the year I got the aforementioned Milwaukee). Here was a high-end road bike in 2015:Here was a high-end trail bike:And here was what would have been considered a gravel bike:Though they did also have those hip-for-the-times steel AWOL bikes:So hip in fact that Ultraromance was the official spokesman:Now lets return to the presentthats 2026, in case youve lost track. Today, a corporate road bike looks like this:A trail bike looks like this:Heres the latest iteration of that gravel bike:And it seems like theyve given up on the hipster touring bikes altogether, no doubt ceding the market to the boutique companies because they just werent pulling it off:By the way, I asked the AI to generate an image for Steve Buscemi How Do You Do, Fellow Kids? Meme Only With A Bicycle Over His Shoulder Instead of a Skateboard, and heres what I got:Wow, its both adorable and horrifying to watch the emerging digital consciousness as it does its best to piece this stuff together, like an infant struggling to assemble the weapon with which it will one day murder you. I mean Im not saying its going to go that way necessarilyhey, AI may turn out great, who knows?but in the meantime, at least based on this image, I certainly wouldnt want it doing surgery on me. I can imagine going in for that hip replacement after trying to change the smoke detector and leaving with my leg attached to my head.As for those bikes, while the geometry of the mountain bike may have changed, Id say that the other bikes have changed more profoundly. The rim brake road bike completely disappeared, the gravel bike of yesteryear is basically the road bike of today, and a 20-something buying a gravel bike today is basically buying the mountain bike his father bought in the 90s. And the Milwaukee? Forget it. You basically cant buy a bike like that anymore. That thing might as well be a pennyfarthing.But the biggest change of all is that all those bikes are also available with an electric motor. How do I feel about that? Ask me in another 10 years when I finally surrender.

Recently I mentioned that this Islabikes Luath 24 was up for grabs because all seventeen (17) of my human children have outgrown it, and Im both happy and wistful to report that it has officially been grabbed:I am happy because because it will bring joy to another human child, as well as bring joy to me by freeing up a little more space. But I am wistful because I have fond memories of father-and-son cyclocrossing:Im sure my elder son would be embarrassed if I reposted photos of him racing cyclocross, so instead Ill just embarrass myself:Yes, I did a cyclocross race on a Jones (several, in fact), despite the fact the tires are just a few millimeters wider than the UCIs 33mm maximum.Thankfully nobody checked.But hey, I have my memories, and I have my whiskey, so what more could I possibly need?Meanwhile, March is growing less leonine and more lamblike, which means family bike rides around town:Favorable conditions also afforded me the opportunity to do nearly identical back-to-back (well, separated by a day) mixed-terrain rides on the PRJCT GRVL bike:And the Roadini:As with the Farbman, Id sort of benched the Roadini when the truly disgusting winter weather hit, leaving the dirty work to its more rough-and-tumble sibling:Also like the Farbman, returning to the Roadini was a delightfor like the Farbman, its a bike Ive done a fair amount of fussing with since first putting it together on New Years Eve, 2024:[The Roadini on its maiden voyage.]Yes, fundamentally its the same bike, but it took me a little while to figure out exactly what tires it wanted, and not until this past autumn did I realize that despite its curlicue lugs and genteel appearance it was asking me to lower its handlebar slightly and even give it a double crank. The result was that the bike lost weight without feeling jittery:Though Im not sure its actually possible to make a Rivendell feel jittery, unless you ride it with the front skewer open or something.Either way, getting back on the Roadini after a couple months of not riding it (thats a really long time not to ride what was probably my most-ridden bicycle in 2025) was like that feeling you get after a shower when its been way too long since your last shower.Oh, heres a non-drive side photo:Drive-side photos are propaganda from Big Crabon, because those bikes have really ugly bottom bracket junctions which the crank serves to hide, but when its a lugged steel bike youd rather look at the bottom bracket lug than the crankespecially when its this crank:Though I confess Im a Hollowtech II apologist and I secretly like the way it looks, even on a bike like this.Hey, the bike has plenty of Silver on it already:Yes, thats another prototype, because I really am that important:In any case, the Roadini was more than capable of following in the PRJCT GRVL bikes footsteps:Even on these large, partially-buried and intermittently-placed pieces of gravel:Lower gearing and different tires would narrow the off-road gap between them even more, though I enjoy the Roadini because its a ROAD-ini, which is why I gradually moved away from the triple crank and the Garvel Kign tires in the first place. As for the PRJCT GRVL bike, I do really enjoy riding it, though I think if I were putting together a full-on broccoli bike from scratch Id take the parts from that bike and put them on an Appy Lucy or something:And yes, obviously I dont mean all the parts. I mean stuff like the drivetrain and the handlebar and stuff. You cant use dick breaks on an Appy Lucy, youve got to use cantilevers, or else v-brakes, the most deadly of all the brakes:Why would a v-brake lever be more dangerous than any other type of lever? Youve got me. All I know is that this guy really sucks at riding bikes:In 2017, Lynch purchased a Trek Level I road bike and on June 29, 2022, was riding it on a South Kingstown bike path when he applied his brakes to avoid hitting another bikes back wheel. He lost his balance and fell on his right side. The suit alleged that while Lynch was falling, the left lever tore a 12-inch laceration in his left thigh.Trek Bicycle, the lawsuit alleged, also should have known the lever design was faulty and could cause impalement during a fall and failed to inspect and assess the safety of the V-brake for end users before installing it on the subject bike. In addition to alleging negligent design, the lawsuit cited both defendants for failure to warn, and breach of warranty.So basically hes a typical bike path wheelsucker.Then again, perhaps I should be more understanding, considering I may very well have cut my head open on a pair of vintage M-Frames almost exactly like these:Wow, thats pretty good money! Maybe I should put mine on Poshmark too.

I try not to click on sensational headlines, I really, really dont. But I try not to do a lot of other things, too, such as cross-chaining, drinking in the morning, and cursing at the cat. As usual, the suns barely up and Ive already failed at all of those things (with the exception of the cross-chaining, though I can assure you Ill have done that by lunch), so what the hell, Im going to make you click on this headline too:Heres what happened, and Im not sure how I missed this back in 2023, though presumably it was a rare case of my managing not to click on a lurid headline:An Olympic cyclist whose wife died after he hit her with a car during a fight has been criticised for a social media post describing a Porsche as a weapon.Last year, Rohan Dennis received a 17-month suspended sentence over a 2023 car incident which killed Melissa Hoskins also an Olympic cyclist outside the couples Adelaide home.A court found Dennis was not criminally responsible for his wifes death, but had disregarded her safety after he continued to drive while she clung onto the vehicle.Maybe I wasnt drinking that morning.**[Relax, I dont really drink in the morningexcept for certain holidays and very special occasions. And at airports, obviously. Youre allowed to drink at any time of day or night in an airport.]Anyway, this happened awhile ago, and it sounds like he received a suspended sentence in 2025, but apparently hes in the news again because of a social media post in which he refers to a Porsche as a weapon:Her comments referred to two images that Dennis who is still banned from driving posted on his Instagram account of a newly-washed black Porsche with the caption: What an absolute weapon.I figured this was just an image of people digging up innocent posts from before the incident, but then I checked andholy crap, he made the post two days ago?!?But its okay, because its not the Porsche, its just a Porsche:It is understood the Porsche is not the same car that killed his wife.Whew!Also, he wasnt driving a Porsche at the time. I looked it up, and apparently it was a Volkswagen Amarok, which I also had to look up, because we dont have that car here in West Greenland:Wait. Its a pickup, and you cant buy it here? This story just gets weirder and weirder.Look, as I say, I really try not to get sucked into the sordid affairs of others, or revel in their misfortune. (Unless its someone losing their derailleurs battery halfway through a 100-mile ride and having to complete it without shifting, I will absolutely revel in that.) Also, maybe people are misinterpreting the Porsche postlike, maybe he hates cars now, and so he was calling it a weapon disgustedly, like they do on Streetsblog. But still, I just had to knowhow does something like this even happen, anyway?During the case, the court heard that the pair had been arguing about kitchen renovations before Dennis got into his car to leave.Hoskins jumped onto the bonnet and later held onto the car door as Dennis continued to drive, before falling off and getting struck by the car. She was taken to hospital and later died of her injuries.At sentencing, Judge Ian Press said he accepted Dennis tried to de-escalate the argument by driving off but it did not excuse his actions to keep driving while his wife was on the car.The judge accepted Dennis was remorseful and had a sense of responsibility for all that occurred.What kind of high-stakes kitchen-related argument results in the death of a spouse? Maybe it was over whether they should go with the Waterstone Contemporary Gantry Faucet With Articulated Spout (price: $6,267.75):Or the Waterstone Traditional Wheel Pull-Down Faucet (price: $5,904.75):Each is arguably the Gravel Bike of Faucets, in that theres way too much going on for whats really a pretty straightforward business you could accomplish with something much, much simpler.Look, I already feel ashamed of myself for having written as much about this as I have, but at least maybe we can learn something here, and if nothing else this story is an important reminder that if you have to leave in a huff you should use a bike instead of a car, and also that you should always leave any and all home renovation decisions to your wife. (Its not sexist if its true.) Oh, and STAY OFF SOCIAL MEDIA, especially if youve been involved in someone elses death.Moving on, yesterday I mentioned the Platypus:And in the step-thru spirit Im pleased to present this months winner of the JBARA Award:Also, I dont know who the seller of this next bike is, and I typically dont promote anonymous classifieds, especially since last time I got a reader involved in an online sale they got scammed. Nevertheless, *assuming it is legitimate*, would someone please, please buy this and take it off the market so I dont drive up to New Paltz and buy it for myself?Caveat emptor, do your due diligence, disclaimer disclaimer, and all that stuff. But if you can now pick up a bike like this for under $400 because the world has moved on to crabon, dick breaks, and electrical shifting, then I say bring em on.

Getting a package is always exciting (well, usually, I guess receiving an at-home urine testing kit isnt that exciting), but its exponentially more exciting when that package is from Richard Sachs:And no, the package above is not from Richard Sachs, its from when Paul from Classic Cycle sent me the Eye of the Tiger, Jr. bike back in 2021.Had you going for a minute, didnt I?Though I did receive a package from Richard Sachs yesterday, and while considerably smaller than the one depicted above, it was no less exciting for it:And it contained his most recent Arrange Disorder volumes, as well as a t-shirt:There was even a sticker, which I was glad to receive, because years ago I used to have a Thule roof rack, complete with fairing, on The Car That I Used To Own Before The One I Currently Own Which I No Longer Own Because It Rusted Out. (I still miss that car.) On that fairing was a Richard Sachs sticker. For years and years of parking on the street that bike rack sat atop the aforementioned vehicle, completely unmolested, until one day about 15-ish years ago I went to use the car and found it gone.Then, maybe a week or so later, I was driving home from the pediatrician with my son, still more or less a baby, in the back seat. (Id have put him up on the roof rack, but it had been stolen, you see.) As you can imagine, with my own loss still fresh, I was acutely aware of how many other cars out there still had bike racks on them, so every time one passed by Id look at it and feel crestfallen, like Pee-Wee after his bike was stolen:But then I saw a car coming the opposite direction that had a rack exactly like mine, fairing and all. Not only that, but the rack had a distinct dark patch exactly where the Richard Sachs sticker had been, and in the exact same shape. Clearly this was either the brigand himself, or else a customer of said brigand. Adrenaline coursed through me. What should I do?Well, what do you do when youre driving with a very young child and you pass a car with a bike rack on it that might be yours? Do you execute a u-turn on a very busy four-lane arterial and give chase, potentially causing grievous injury to yourself, your young child, and other motoristsand then, assuming you make it through, confront him? Or do you keep driving, seething as you try to convince yourself it was a grief-induced hallucination?In this case, I opted for the later.Well, I never did get that roof rack back, but Ive finally got a new Richard Sachs sticker, so in a sense my life has come full circle.As for the books, you can order them here, and Im looking forward to reading them:I enjoyed the first one so I expect Ill enjoy these too.Speaking of life coming full circle, that baby in the car is the son who would later dub Richard Sachs the Karl Farbman of Bicycles (hereafter KFOB), and Im glad to see hes leaning into it:This is me when anyone in the family goes anywhere near the Richard Sachs:Which my wife once mistakenly called an Oliver Sacks, conflating the KFOB with the noted author of Awakenings:See, its an understandable mistake, because if youre a bike person your go-to Sachs is obviously Richard Sachs, but if youre not it could easily be Oliver Sacks, even though its spelled differently, or even Andrew Sachs, who played Manuel in Fawlty Towers:Sometimes life comes full circle, and sometimes its just a Spirograph of whimsy.Speaking of whimsy, I needed a few things from the grocery store yesterday, so instead of taking a short walk to the store like a normal person, instead I got on the Platypus and rode to the Trails Behind The Mall about eight (8) American Freedom Miles away:This is more proof that the bicycle is the least efficient conveyance ever devised, because what should have been a 10-minute errand turned into a joyride of at least two and a half hours.To the uninitiated, the step-through frame and the upright position might suggest the Platypus is a mild-mannered bicycle. However, this is not the case. Yes, it is quite comfortable, but its also quite sprightly, and its every bit as good a gravel bike as your run-of-the-mill Industry Standard Gravelling Appliance, probably even better. Hey, what do you think they used to ride on that Kansas gravel, anyway?And while its not a mountain bike, nor marketed as such, it handles trails pretty well too. No, this climb wasnt happening, mostly for lack of pedal/ground clearance:But this sort of thing is no problem at all:The key of course is that it can accept mountain bike tiresor at least what used to be considered mountain bike tires, though 2.1 is a little over 50mm, which were now calling a gravel tire, I guess:Eagle-eyed readers may also spot the prototype Silver derailleur:Dont worry, they didnt use any of my feedback, so you can order with confidence:I do have a brand new Silver derailleur for this bike:But its way cooler to use a raw-looking one that says prototype on it.Anyway, all of this was ostensibly about running an errand, and theres a grocery store at the mall behind which the Trails Behind the Mall are behind. Im not saying which grocery store it is, but I will say that you cannot get partial foods there. So on my way home I loaded my basket with entire foods and felt smug about not using the parking lot, even though I parked my car in that exact parking lot just a few days ago:Thats what you call utility graveling.

Further to yesterdays post, some guy from upstate called Some Guy From Upstate noted the following:The main problem with the bottle cage is it is not on the down tube, where bottle cages are supposed to go. Also, as another commenter mentioned, some wraps of electrical tape to protect the paint and a couple hose clamps is more effective. Zip ties can snap unexpectedly.A good point. However, I am willing to risk the relatively mild consequences of catastrophic zip tie failure (that being potential separation of water bottle from bicycle and eventual death by dehydration) for the considerable weight savings over hose clamps.Unless they come in titanium of course.Oh, wait:That changes everything.Sounds pretty trick, though Ill have to defer to the Hose Clamp Freds on that one.I mean we have a Resident Nail Fred:Thats actually a cut nail, made by a New England company named Tremont, I believe using equipment that dates back to when these were the standard. Also called square nails, they were popular from around the time of the Civil War to the early 20th century when they were rapidly displaced by wire nails. They have more holding power than wire nails and certain other characteristics that can make them a better choice in some applications, which along with historic preservation projects and plain yuppiness is what happily keeps Tremont in business. And, yes, Im a bit of a Nail Fred.So its reasonable to assume weve also got a Resident Hose Clamp Fred.Its not all that often a Nail Fred gets to flex his* stuff on a bike blog, but it happens:*[If you take issue with my assumption that all Nail Freds are men, Im afraid youll find me unrepentant, unless of course you can find me a Nail Frederica. Good luck with that.]I wonder if Best Made Co. has gotten hip to the whole nail scene, because I think the markets ready for a $75 nail you can admire whilst walking around pantsless in your quilted hanten jacket.Speaking of Some Guy From Upstate, he is of course a member of a rarefied group who have acquired a bicycle via this blog, that bicycle being the Marinoni:Well, nows your chance to join this select groupor, more accurately, nows your childs (or other small-of-stature person in your life) to join it. See, my own human children just keep getting bigger, and so we now find ourselves with bicycles for which we no longer have any use, including this Islabikes Luath 24 childrens cyclocrossing bike:I listed it on the Free Classified Hell Site the other day for what I thought was a pittance, but so far no takers, and it occurred to me that perhaps some reader of this blog might want it instead. What do I want for it? Well, if youre local and you could come pick it up I will happily trade you foroh, I dunno, a decent bottle of whiskey? (Scotch, or Irish, but not Bourbon.) If there are no local takers, I might consider shipping it to you, but youd have to pay for the shipping. How much is that? Well, last time I shipped a grown-up bike via Bikeflights it cost approximately a Financial Century. (Thats One Hundred American Fun Tickets.) So its gotta be less than that, but by how much I cannot say. Also, packing the bike is annoying, and you cant hand me a bottle of whiskey, so youd have to make it worth my while some other way, like throw a few bucks at Star Track or something. But Id rather have the whiskey than help the children, since Im already helping your child by giving them a bike. Anyway, if you want the bike and will put it to good use let me know. Id say Ill give it away on a first-come, first-serve basis, but thats not true, and I will give it away on a whats-most-convenient-for-me basis.Oh, I have a pair of full, never-mounted fenders, and possibly some slick tires to include. And yes, your child can ride this on gravel, though it doesnt have DICS BRAEKS, so they do so at their own risk.Speaking of your budding gravelista, he or she will be fortunate to grow up in a world where theres such a thing as a dedicated gravel pedal:My first thought was, This is pointless, because whats the downside of a two-sided pedal on a gravel bike, really? Sure, on the road you might theoretically need the cornering clearance if youre racing criteriums (do criteriums even still exist?), but is that really an issue on garvel?Then again, I suppose youre not constantly clipping in and out on garvel rides, and I suppose the competitive set is going to want to shave every gram possible, so sure, they might as well ditch half the pedal, why not?On the flip side, it is more difficult to clip in with only one-sided pedals, part of the draw of SPD pedals is quick re-entry that comes with two entry points, but for gravel the idea is you clip out less than on a mountain bike or in a cyclocross situation where there is more on/off required.As for the rest of us normal people, this would probably be a good pedal for a road bike, since the shoe would be walkable yet you wouldnt be troubled by the guilt and shame of using a mountain bike pedal on a road bike. And no, Im in no way suggesting you should feel guilt and shame for using a mountain bike pedal on a road bike. But lets not pretend we dont.Of course, like most new ideas in cycling, the one-sided SPD pedal is at least 30 years old:So basically a gravel bike in 2026 is a mountain bike from 1994 with 1994 road pedals on it.Sounds about right.Finally, I thought Viral was the worst brand name in cycling, but then I read about the Karma helmet:Is your karma good or bad? Guess theres only one way to find out