The big news in the cycling world is of course that celebrity food-cooking person Gordon Ramsay has been involved in a cycling accident:And has served up the obligatory my helmet saved my life statement:Seasoned with a dash of fathers day guilt: View this post on Instagram A post shared by Gordon Ramsay (@gordongram)So far I have not seen any details regarding the crash itself, so its impossible to say whether there are any other factors that may have contributed to it regardless of the style of hat he may or may not have been wearing at the time. Was there a car involved? Did he attempt to ride on an unpaved surface without using a proper gravel bike? Was he distracted by his cellphone, or by chronic nipple irritation due to his apparent lack of a base layer?We may never know. However, the presence of gravel in the photo does raise some suspicion:Regardless, this is the most intense British cycling-themed guilt trip to which weve been subjected since Richard Branson admonished us all to wear body armor:Even though the crash was caused by his undiagnosed lack of thumb mastery:Photographic evidence does suggest he has known how to grasp sporting equipment since at least 2005:Though apparently he never learned to apply the technique to the bicycle.By the way, besides the body armor incident earlier this year, and the 2016 incident that compelled him to call for face masks:Branson was the victim of yet another collosal crash in 2021:This one due to an apparent brake failure:Say the line, Sir Dick:Its unclear what type of braking system Branson was using at the time, though a photo accompanying the announcement for this years event depicts him on a disc brake-equipped road bike and riding without body armor or facial protection:As for other judgmental British people, after breaking his back on an e-bike, Simon Cowell broke with tradition and forewent the helmet scolding, instead telling people to RTFM:Some good adviceIf you buy an electric trail bike, read the manual before you ride it for the first time.I have broken part of my back. Thank you to everyone for your kind messages. Simon Cowell (@SimonCowell) August 10, 2020Two years later he crashed again:And finally got with the program:Not to sound like a conspiracy theorist, but that second crash has Big Helmet all over it.So lets review:Gordon Ramsay: Plastic racing bike, crashRichard Branson: Plastic racing bike, crashSimon Cowell: Overpowered motorized bike, crashHelmets caveats not withstanding, perhaps all of these gentlemen should consider more age- and lifestyle-appropriate bicycles. For example, they might consider switching to bikes withoh, I dunno, tall quill stems to get the handlebars up a bit and really long wheelbases for enhanced stability? There gotta be somebody who sells a bike like that, right?If you can think of anybody let me know and Ill pass it along.