As the deadline for the Meh-roica Whatever-Its-Called Contest (sponsored by Dumonde Tech, the Dom Prignon of Bicycle Lubricants) approaches, the entries are flowing in so smoothly its almost like the entire contest has been doused in Dumonde Tech, the Dom Prignon of Bicycle Lubricants:[Dumonde Tech, the Dom Perignon ofyou get it.]For example, consider this fine Serotta with just a soupon of JBARA:The Mutant stem alone is worth 20 bonus pointsalthough Im not judging the contest using a points system, which is unfortunate for the owner.Speaking of the owners unfortunate circumstances, this had to be rough:In 2012 I moved from Walnut Creek, CA to New Rochelle, NY. Our friend, Stevil, connected you and me. You suggested I try the Gimbals ride. I did. Twice. And then parked the Serotta for 13 years. I was spoiled by Bay Area roads and cycling culture; Westchester drivers are nuts and the roads are shite, so I built up a commute bike and satifsfied by cycling needs by riding to work in Union Square, passing right through the wino gantlet (not the wino gauntlet, although some winos might also wear protective gloves) and past the pistol factory.To put that move from Walnut Creek to New Rochelle in Meh-roica terms, from a cycling perspective, its like going from 9-speed Dura-Ace to that old Sora stuff with the little shift nubbin:People who had never used Campagnolo liked to say, Its just like Campy!, but I can assure you it was not.Also, Im sorry for recommending the Gimbels ride, and Im not sure what I was thinking, though presumably something in the initial inquiry led me to believe he might enjoy it. Also also, not like it matters, but its G-I-M-B-E-L-S, because the ride is named after the now-defunct department store that used to be where the ride starts:Anyway, happily for the contestant, he has since moved from New Rochelle to Connecticut, where he is greatly enjoying the riding, and he really shouldnt have told me that because if I thought he was still miserable in New Rochelle and experiencing PTSD from his Gimbels experiences then maybe I would have felt guilty and gifted him the win.Still, its a strong entry.But is it strong enough to beatthis?!?Wow! Minus 20 points for the aerobars, but plus 150 points for the Cosmics. And while Im feeling generous lets throw in another 500 points for the clever analogy:If Meh-roica bikes are the Gen X of bikes, then Saturn Cycling was the Gen X of US pro teams. While USPS was sucking up what little attention was being paid to US pro cycling around the turn of the century, Saturn sponsored a very successful American team from 1992 to 2003, and the 99-00 team that rode this particular bike was one of the winningest. But they are, like Gen X, now a largely overlooked and forgotten relic of that period.Very trueand we can take that even further by nothing that Saturn was the Gen-X of cars:My mother bought pretty much that same car and I remember going to the dealership with her to look at it. The salesman jabbed his knee into the door to demonstrate that it was plastic and would pop right back instead of denting. Huh, we noted, mildly impressed. After that he pretty much ran out of selling points, but she bought it anyway, and it hung around just being a boringly functional white car for longer than anybody expected.Not much of a story I know, but youll have to remember that this was the same era that gave us OK soda:In those days, not trying was its own form of salesmanship.And what does trying look like? It looks like this:That is very early Meh-roica; in fact it barely squeezed in there, just like those tires barely fit in the frame. But it is a strong contender indeed.Meanwhile, this bike may just be the most Meh-roical bike Ive ever seen:Plus 1,000 points for the crabon stays and plus 2,000 points for complete Record all the way down to the pedals:I used to use those, they were fantastic.Oh, and heres an invalid submission that doesnt even come close to meeting the criteria but Im sharing it anyway because its a Faggin and we Faggini look out for each other:Though lately Ive been riding this:I timed yesterdays ride to perfection because I managed to head out during the one hour it decided to rain during an otherwise sunny day.Of course we cant all operate with the precision timing of an amateur New York City bicycle racing team on Pinarellos:Having now visited the Pinarello store Bottega di PinarelloI watched this video with interest:And when I say interest I mean deep embarrassment for all involved:Oh sure, theres the usual cutting off pedestrians:And cursing out pedestrians:[He should try that in the Bronx.]And Im sure they cut off at least a thousand people blasting through Central Park:But by far the most disturbing part was when the host says he loved riding through the park because so many iconic movies were shot right there:And then proceeds to list the following titles:ElfHome Alone 2The AvengersOkay, fine, who doesnt enjoy Elf? And yes, Home Alone 2 includes a memorable dramatic turn from our current president. (I have not seen The Avengers, nor do I ever plan to see The Avengers.)But holy crap. Iconic movies with scenes in Central Park? WHAT ABOUT BAREFOOT IN THE PARK?WHAT ABOUT ANNIE FREAKING HALL???AND WHAT THE HELL IS MARATHON MAN, CHOPPED LIVER?!?Dear Lob!And before you say, Youre old, that has nothing to do with it. The most recent movie here is Annie Hall, and I wasnt even in kindergarten. But Ive seen these movies anyway because Im not a philistine.Visiting Central Park and thinking immediately of Home Alone 2 is like seeing Marlon Brando and saying, Hey, thats the guy from Superman!'[A foil-wrapped Brando in his most iconic role.]If Pinarello want to be a true luxury brand then maybe they should think about lending their bikes to someone whos a bit more culturally astute:Now thats how you attract a sophisticated New York clientle.