As befits the title of this blog I try to remain aloof, but the unfortunate truth is Im not always successful because its ONE GODDAMN THING AFTER ANOTHER and its extremely difficult to retain my composure when Im beset on all sides by lies, frippery and nonsenseand when it comes to those three things the wellspring for so much of them is the New York Times, the very Fount of Frippery, who recently had the utter temerity to publishthis:Now, to be clear, I did not read the article, though in my defense not actually reading the article is the first rule of Internet criticism.However, its not the content to which I object; its that the article is ostensibly a roundup of 5 Great North American Biking Cities, and then it proceeds to list four cities, and Brooklyn:I dont know if the other cities are actually great biking cities and I dont even care. What bothers me is that BROOKLYN IS NOT A CITY. Yes, it used to be a city, but that ended in 1898, when it was incorporated into the greater City of New York. And yes, they also like to pretend theyre a city by doing stuff like having a basketball team, but the hard truth remains that Brooklyn has not been an actual city since the dawn of the safety bicycle.So why does this matter? Well, its not just because Im a stickler for municipal definitions, and its not just because I resent Brooklyn, the most annoying place in the country east of Berkeley, CA. No, it matters because, as Ive explained before, the same DOT that administers Americas Best Large City For Biking is also responsible for the rest of the city, such as the Bronx, which scores far lower. And the DOT is only as good as its worst streets; this isnt college where you get to drop a class because its dragging down your average. So Brooklyn isnt a great city; its just a part of a very large city thats had a disproportionate amount of attention lavished on it, like a filthy homeless guy covered in sores with really good teeth:In fact, according to PeopleForBikes, Brooklyn has more bike lanes than any other borough. Additionally, New York Citysnew greenway master plan, released last August, will fill in gaps (for example, by connecting disparate segments of the Brooklyn Waterfront Greenway to make one continuous route from Greenpoint to Sheepshead Bay) and add new greenways.Well isnt that nice.And yet, despite all that, half the route described in the article is in Queens:The city skyline fades as you ride by salt marshes and ponds along theJamaica Bay Greenway, a 28-mile loop in southern Brooklyn and Queens that goes through part of the Gateway National Recreation Area, including one of the citys best bird-watching venues,Jamaica Bay Wildlife Refuge(the loops southern end includes a stretch of road). The greenway also passes byShirley Chisholm State Park, which juts out into the bay. Bikes are available for free checkout, Thursdays to Sundays, for up to two hours of riding on the parks 10 miles of paths.So while including Brooklyn on a list of North American cities is stupid and wrong, it is of course perfectly fine too compare it to the other four boroughs of New York City. So heres a rundown from an extremely biased expert:Staten IslandLike most self-professed experts, I know woefully little about Staten Island. In fact, the above photo isnt even of Staten Island, its of the approach to the Varazzano Verezzano big long bridge that goes there from Brooklyn, and I took it during the Five Boro Bike Tour, which of course finishes there.Smug types like to malign Staten Island by saying its full of Republicans and cops, which is ironic because they all own second homes upstate in places full of Republicans and cops. I dont share these prejudices, but I do admit Ive never considered living there because its a smallish island, if you want to ride to another part of the city you have to take a boat, and if you want to do a long road ride or something you have to go to parts of Jersey that scare me:But as I say Im woefully ignorant and maybe theres some really good riding from Staten Island. Also, Staten Island has parks and beaches and stuff, and even used to have its own cyclocross race where this horrifying photo was taken:To this day I have no idea why I thought I needed to wear the skinsuit, and youd think for a singlespeed race at least Id have toned it down a little.Oh well.BrooklynUnlike Staten Island, I actually know Brooklyn, since I lived there for many years, and I still commute there twice a week. Brooklyn may win these Best Large City For Biking accolades because of its bike lanes and stuff, but this is more than offset by how inconvenient it is for recreational cycling. Its the most populous borough in New York City, its stuck in the corner of Long Island with Queens sitting on its face, and getting out of the borough for a road ride or a mountain bike ride is like punching your way out of a damp refrigerator box. In that respect only two things redeem it. One of them is Prospect Park:But even then its really crowded when the weather is good, and youre just riding in circles anyway. To really enjoy the park you need to be a bike racer and take advantage of the fact that if you live close to the park you can just roll out of bed and do a race in the early morning, as I did for many years. But to do that you also need to become a bike racer, which is like joining a monastery just for the food.The other redeeming quality of Brooklyn is that its pretty easy to ride to the beach from there:Though if youre riding to the better beaches those arent in Brooklyn anyway.But yes, the easy-ish beach access by bicycle is perhaps the only thing I miss.ManhattanI lived in Manhattan for a few years and the best thing you can say about it from a cycling perspective is that its pretty easy to get out of it by bike since its so small and our entire transportation infrastructure is designed around moving people in and out of it. The main escape route for recreational cycling is of course the George Washington Bridge, and as soon as you cross it youre in Fred Paradise:On top of that, if youre into taking the train to ride youve got both Penn Station and Grand Central, and if youre a bike racer and you join the CRCA you can roll out of bed and race your bike in the wee hours of the morning all season long.All of this is to say its a fantastic place to live if youre a pure roadie, and as long as there are wealthy people who are willing to pay whatever it costs just to live in Manhattan, its safe to say there will also be a high-end road bike market.QueensIve never lived in Queens as an adult, but we did live in Bayswater, Far Rockaway when I was a child, and thats where I learned to ride a bike, so technically its the place that made me the cyclist I am today. Its silly to generalize any borough, but generalizing Queens is probably silliest of all, since its huge and it encompasses everything from the dense, urban areas just across the East River from Manhattan to the quiet suburban parts at the very edge of the city limits, like Bayswater.For that reason, from a cycling perspective, everything thats good and bad about the other boroughs is true of Queens. But it also has two of the best cycling assets in the entire city, and those are Cunningham Park, for the mountain biking:And Kissena Velodrome, home to the fantastic Star Track youth cycling program:Of course depending on where you live in Queens those may be really convenient or they may feel like theyre on the other side of the Earth, but even then theyre well worth it.Also it has all the good beaches youd be riding to from Brooklyn.The BronxIve lived in the Bronx since 2012. As I say, its silly to generalize an entire borough, even though thats exactly what Im doing. But since were looking at all this from a cycling perspective, Ill just address the part of the Bronx I live in, which is unquestionably the very best place you could possibly live as a cyclist without leaving the New York City limits.I mean seriously, why do you think I live here? Theres riding in every direction! (You may be tempted to note you cant ride on the Hudson River, but the George Washington Bridge is just out of frame.) And its good riding, toomountain, road, and even Very Small Rocks. In fact Im often astounded that the neighborhood hasnt been beset by alt cyclists and gravelistas, because every year more and more of them pass through the park on the way from Brooklyn or wherever to the good riding north of the city, and youd think eventually more of them would actually move here. But I guess people dont mind pedaling two hours through the city before their tires touch dirt and are willing to put up with it to be surrounded by a certain type of bar or something-. For me however it was a revelation, and moving here improved my quality of life exponentially.All it lacks is the beach access, though theres always Orchard Beach:Its better than nothing.