You know what?I think maybe the new Cannondale CAAD14 is here:Im not sure though, because Im not seeing enough articles about it:Only a dozen? Could just be a rumor:Oh, wait, make that a bakers dozen:Maybe it is here after all.Im glad to see everyone abided by the terms of the MEDIA EMBARGO and then published their stories at exactly the same time like good little cycling journalists. By the way, thats just the articles. Dont forget about the YouTubes!Wow indeed. Im not sure what hes doing to that bike, but I hope he at least bought it dinner first.Okay, fine, Cannondale. You got me. Look, now Im writing about it! Plus, I rode Cannondales in my formative years so they do evoke feelings of nostalgia for me, and clicking on one of the stories at random it appears thats exactly what theyre going for:As an aging Fred it just looks like all the other bikes to me, but I guess this is what counts as back-to-basics nowadays:Today a road bike with not-dropped seat stays and a level top tube is a novelty, and overall the idea is to embrace its fundamental aluminumosity:Thats precisely what the CAAD14 is all about. No chasing benchmark numbers and no wind tunnel development. Instead, Cannondale consistently focus on what the CAAD has always stood for: aluminium. Its roots are not hidden, theyre fully embraced. Combined with modern integration and up-to-date frame standards, the CAAD14 is designed to be the ultimate riders bike.Just like those pre-crabon Cadonnales of yore:And despite the long heritage embodied in the CAAD14, the bike feels sporty, young and fresh. A welcome change in a market crowded with overbuilt, aerodynamics-obsessed bikes. Not least because the CAAD14 shows that modern concepts such as UDH, internally routed cables and large chainrings with a 1x drivetrain can be seamlessly integrated into a proven platform. The result is a bike that stands out visually and looks seriously sharp. It may carry a slight hipster vibe, but when the ride quality delivers, thats easy to forgive.Except this one costs more than ten thousand Socialist Life Credits:Egads! How is it even possible to make an aluminum bike that expensive?But I guess thats just to lube you up so the less expensive models can slide right into your stable:The other spec variants are considerably more attractive in terms of price. The CAAD14 2 costs 3,999 and comes equipped with a SRAM Rival AXS 212 drivetrain and DT Swiss E1800 Spline wheels. The CAAD14 3 is available for 2,499 with a mechanical Shimano 105 212 groupset and Cannondale RD 2.0 Disc wheels. For riders who prefer to build their own bike, the frameset is also available, offered in either gloss black or Rally Red for 1,799.As for the ride quality, this paragraph could have come from any bike review written in the last 50 years, so I guess its safe to say it rides exactly like a road racing bike:Right from the moment you put the power down, the CAAD14 feels incredibly efficient. It accelerates instantly, bursts out of corners with real snap, and turns every bit of pressure on the pedals directly into forward motion. It doesnt matter whether you are on the flat, descending, or climbing. The stiff frame responds effortlessly in every situation. Combined with razor sharp, direct handling that feels perfectly balanced, the result is a genuinely thrilling ride. The CAAD14 blends high-speed stability with precise, playful handling more confidently and with more performance focus than any bike I have tested in the past three years. Every steering input is translated instantly and completely, yet with such composure that the bike never feels nervous or unpredictable.Though the entire review really should have been this:It uses a threaded bottom bracket.Smart, and ironic for the company that was responsible for the whole press-fit bottom bracket debacle in the first place:Yes, I know they werent the first, but they were the ones who were responsible for it plaguing the entire industry.Sadly Im too old and stuck in my ways to be interested in this new Cannondale, though I admit if they made a true nostalgia version with rim brakes and externally routed cables they might hook me. I also admit Im sort of always half-looking for one of these, which was the most recent CAAD iteration that I had, and was maybe the last time new road racing bikes truly made sense to me:Light, level top tube, threaded bottom bracket, threadless but still a 1-inch steerer Id be curious to put one together just the way I had it at the time, if only to see how badly Ive degraded physically since then.Meanwhile, in other important cycling news, the antagonist in a viral video I havent seen is experiencing psychological trauma after knocking over a young girl:Heres what happened:I did what any good cyclist does and rang my bell several times, but they obviously didnt hear me, so I cycled past, but as I did so I slipped and lost my balance slightly.Thats when I knocked the little girl, I had put my leg out to balance myself, I didnt realise I had hit her, and she had fallen over as I had cycled past. Then the father chased after me and berated me.I said it was an accident and then carried on. It was only later, when I saw the video on social media, that I realised he had filmed me.You know, this is a tough one. On one appendage, theres a zillion things wrong with social media, and one of the wrongest is that were constantly indicting people based on five seconds of out-of-context video. Hey, he knocked a kid over, it happens, shell be fine. Anyone who has owned a human child knows they fall down all the time, and after awhile you just go Whatever, like the thirteenth time drop your Surly.But on the other appendage, is there anything worse than a cyclist on a shared trail? He rang his bell several times? So what!?! Thats like practicing birth control by shouting, Im about to ejaculate! Its what you actually do in the moment thats important, and in both cases you cant leave it entirely up to the other person. The cyclist even says they obviously didnt hear me. So if they dont realize youre coming, why not just pull outof the pedals, and walk around them?I now realize that I too am indicting someone based on five seconds of out-of-context video I havent even seen, so lets just call this one a draw.