I confess that every so often I wake up in the middle of the night drenched in a cold sweat with one thought racing through my mind:What happens if companies stop making dumb bike stuff we can laugh at?Well thankfully human folly appears to be an inexhaustible resource, for a reader (thank you, reader!) has just alerted me to the existence of the RAF Pioneering Bike Backpack:By the way, RAF stands for Ram Air Fairing, not Royal Air Force:Heres how the RAF Pioneering Bike Backpack works:Basically what happens is youre riding with your best bro, but you cant keep up with him:This is because hes leveraged the incredible drag-reducing benefits of the RAF Pioneering Bike Backpack, which instantly transforms him into a creature resembling a man-o-war jellyfish:Smugly he gloats as he sails away from you on a wave of aerodynamic superiority:When you finally catch up with him because hes stopped to take a drink from his water bottle (he cant drink and ride at the same time), you breathlessly implore: I cant keep up. I thought we were going for a ride together. Why cant we just both not wear the bro-bag so we can talk about chicks and sports? Sadly, his best bros look says it all:Yeah, sorry bro, this is what were doing now. Bag up or pack out.So now youve got a major decision to make. Do you retain your dignity, or do you strap a freaking tall kitchen garbage bag to your back like an idiot?OK, I will join you in dorkdom, you decide:You look understandably concerned as you cross the Rubicon of Fredness:You also cant stop thinking about that scene in Trainspotting where Tommy decides he wants to try heroin:In the back of your mind you have a bad feeling that youre going to wind up dead in a pile of cat feces, but in the meantime at least you and your best bro can bump fists:And together you fly where eagles dare:Speaking of flying, the founder of the company is apparently a professional paraglider (how is that even a thing?), so I see no reason this contraption shouldnt also incorporate a parachute or wingsuit so you can ride right off a cliff:Regardless, the Man-O-War Mighty Hump Of Aerodynamic Dorkitude apparently minimizes wind resistance by 19.6%:Meanwhile the Trek Y-Foil saves you a whopping 34%:Is riding a normal bike while wearing an apparatus that looks like something a lizard might deploy in order to attract a mate really a more attractive proposition than riding a bike that looks like a wind tunnel-sculpted hunk of cheddar cheese?Maybe I should order one of these Speed Humps for myself and try it with the Y-Foil. I bet Id arrive back home before I even left!For now though, aerodynamics are pretty much the last thing on my mind:Though I will drop into the occasional aero tuck:I could probably save a few more seconds by wearing an appropriately rustic Rivendell-inspired burlap skinsuit:Just need to finish off those potatoes first.